08 October 2013

Jesus Feminist, OHC & Celebrating

I've seen this book, Jesus Feminist, here and there from blogs and Instagram, maybe Twitter too. I've pre-ordered three copies. One for me, one for a friend and one for a person in one of the classes I lead at GPP. I am not sure what friend or the person at GPP, I just know I want to share it with others.

In a daily journey with Jesus and a daily struggle to accept myself as He has created, I found the words here to be pointed and helpful and challenging and almost in a way angering.

Why in the hell can't I get it together? 

Why can't I accept that my hips will always be round and in order to look awake I need mascara? Why can't I chill out when I trip over my kids backpack, moving it to the side or giving a kind, not screaming, reminder of where their bags go upon walking in the door? Why can't I accept that my husband is crazy about me, even when I tell him hatefully the way he chews his gum drives me nuts? Why do I fight the compliment when my friend tells me she wishes her buns looked like mine? 

Why can I write about the same struggle, year after year, just different words and never "get it"? 

You know why? Because I care. Deep down I care how others see me. I allow their opinion - shared with me, with others - to matter. 

Yesterday I began an Optimal Health Challenge at work. I set a physical, nutritional and lifestyle goal that I will do my best to achieve daily. 
Physical: 100 extra ab exercises 5 times a week
Nutritional: drink 64 ounces of water each day & be mindful (limiting) of my my intake of sugar & processed foods
Lifestyle: I have a list of specific people I will be praying for daily by name. 
I am looking forward to this journey with others at GPP, but I can't help but feel like something is missing. Optimal health is more than a number of weeks. It is more than limiting the number of Tootsie Pops I ate at the volleyball game last night and slamming a glass of water, so I can keep my daily goal. It is about balance and deep roots in the woman God created, called good and whose fingers strike the keys on this computer. 

My birthday this year has stretched for weeks. It started with a weekend away with my best friend and our friends, Brandie and Shane, and will wrap up today with lunch at Vetro my friend Khristian. In between, there has been champagne and cheese & prayer on the deck with Paula, a birthday love letter from Jonathan, sweet gifts from Chas, giant hugs from Elliott. The GF cupcakes delivered from 2 different friends, we're such a treat, as I've not had cake on my birthday for a number of years. Chocolate and flowers from friends at work and a number of text messages and calls from friends all over the States. I have little doubt that I am loved and cared about and even celebrated, just rarely by me.

You know, as I have typed these words, shared the same struggle a new way, I know what I need to do this year...I need to celebrate me

If you see me, feel free to ask about my 100 sit-ups and 64 oz, but if you ask if I'm celebrating me, understand you are opening yourself up to more than a simple, "My abs are sore or I pee all the time" answer. Depending on the day I may cry, I may cuss or I may pop the cork on a bottle* of champagne.  

I better get out of here, a birthday lunch and great conversation await me in Fayetteville! Yay for 38 and friends who you can pray with, struggle with, share with, but best of all CELEBRATE with!

1 comment:

'becca nimrod said...

*i most always have one in the fridge.